I knew my wife would be worried about my absence, and I had no intention of putting her through such an ordeal. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and decided to write her a quick letter to explain my absence and assure her that I was safe and doing fine. As much as I despised my ex-wife, I desperately hoped to see her again, so I had to lie a little bit.
I started writing.
Barbara,
By the time you read this:
I will be gone, I can’t explain this to you, for your own safety, but don’t worry because I will be back soon.
The hole in the wall will still be there. I’m sorry, but you know I will fix it.
The police may be talking to you. Don’t listen to them, trust only me, it is the only way we can get through this.
My electricity will be shut off, I couldn’t afford to pay the bill. Hope you enjoy the alimony.
The fruits on my counter will be brown and squishy. Eat them if you are hungry.
My alimony check will have bounced. I still don’t understand why I pay you when you are making more money than me.
Anyways, have fun being the soul sucking creature that you are.
Your first husband.
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